i figured it was about time for an update
Journal Entry:
Sun Nov 15, 2009, 8:24 PM
i haven't posted a real update that has anything to do with me since august, and i figured that its time for one.
let's start with school, shall we?
i'm not going to lie, its been rough, and with each passing day i get more and more antsy. i'm scared shitless to go to "regular" school. i've spent this entire semester in one room with one teacher and one set of classmates. i've gone to school at eleven and left at two-twenty. i've been doing simple and easy work on my own. i have learned nothing. i have taken no tests. i have interacted with no one new. i have worked at my own pace. i have worked on what i want when i want. i have finished a semester's worth of credits for a class in two days. i have been completely out of touch with old friends. i have no idea how to get around in the school. i only know where hess' class is. there is nothing that tells you where you are but numbers. i don't know what classes i'm taking next semester. i don't know how to move through crowded hallways. i don't want to be in english for the ignorant. i don't know who my teachers will be. i don't know who my classmates will be. i don't know where i'll sit.
i'm afraid.
i honestly have no idea how i'm going to survive in "regular" school. everyone else has had a semester to get used to it all, and that really bothers me. i know that, for at least a week, i will be late to almost every or every class. i'm going to get bitched at by the fatass security people. i can't stand that thought. i like knowing what's going on and where i'm going. i hate being disoriented, but that fucking school is all disorientation.
every wall is the same pale shade of depressing gray. its still fucking outside. there are no fucking walls. no posters, no shit on the walls, no shit on most of the doors. there is nothing to help me find my way. and i cannot stand that.
i can't wait to be able to see jayson at lunch and in the morning, but that's the only positive thing i can see in going back to "regular" school. i wish i had the option of staying in desert winds next semester. i mean, i do, but i can't do that to jayson or myself. i'm tired of being a prisoner but not too eager to be free.
lately, i've been thinking a lot about tattoos and alyssa's recent submission of her first has made me feel like sharing. i don't know if i've mentioned any of them before to anyone but jayson and jazmin, but i might have, at least for some of them. some of them haven't been mentioned to anyone yet.
[speaking of alyssa, i am so sorry about your package and the money i owe you. i gave my "mom" the box ages ago, but she's refused to send it. its really aggravating. i'm still trying, though, and i just got some cash so i may be able to convince her. i'll toss in something extra to reward your amazing patience. <3]
the first thing i want is wings. big ass fucking angel wings down my entire back.
that's the first tattoo i'm getting, and please don't try to talk me out of it. its already been suggested to me to get others first, but no thank you.
beyond that it gets a little fuzzy. i'm not sure of the order, but i also want all of these:
a butterfly on my left wrist.
a small cluster of cherry blossoms on my right wrist, with three petals falling up my arm.
a huge bloomed rose in the middle of my chest with jayson's name beneath it.
the rose from the little prince on my left hipbone with a star over it; exactly like the picture in chapter seven, only without the asteroid.
the little prince on my right hipbone; the picture from chapter two.
and then we have the "maybe"s:
drawing number one from the first chapter on my left ankle.
drawing number two from the first chapter on my right ankle.
i really hate my feet, so these are pretty iffy. i dunno where else i'd put them, and i couldn't get one without the other.
and then we have the "where do i put it?"s:
"what is essential is invisible to the eye" i'm thinking between the rose and the prince, but i'm open for suggestions. it'd be in a hand-drawn font that mimics the little prince's title font.
"apres moi le deluge" [fuck copypastaing accents xD] somewhere. any suggestions? i'm still iffy about this one, but it means a LOT to me. i'm thinking maybe thigh.
and then we have the inevitable, my writing and crap.
i've had crippling writer's block for near a year, and haven't really written anything that i've really liked in this/that time period. however, i have been trying, and recently i've been vaguely successful. i'll post the stuff i like, and i beg you to not be too hard on it. you all should know by now just how hard i am on my own writing, and it pains me to not be up-to-par with my normal body of work.
and then we've got general life.
in general? everything's going pretty well. i still don't exactly have many/any friends, but i have jayson and the family he's given me, so i'm okay with it. things have been alright, except for one little thing that i'll update you guys on later. now is not the time for it.
as far as my photography goes, i need models, like really really badly. i haven't been taking too many pictures because of said lack-of-models, but meh. i haven't exactly had the time or opportunity.
- Mood:
Artistic - Listening to: calculation theme; metric.
- Reading: the little prince.
- Eating: cookies.
Annoyed
Thrilled
Amused
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